The ADHD Effect on Marriage: Understand and Rebuild Your Relationship in Six Steps
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Awarded “Best Psychology Book of 2010” by ForeWord Reviews, and updated in 2020, this book is an invaluable resource for couples in which one of the partners suffers from Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD).  It authoritatively guides couples in troubled marriages towards an understanding and appreciation for the struggles and triumphs of a relationship affected by ADHD, and to look at the disorder in a more positive and less disruptive way. Going beyond traditional marriage counseling which can often discount the influence of ADHD, this straight-forward discussion offers advice from the author’s personal experience and years of research and identifies patterns of behavior that can hurt marriages —such as nagging, intimacy problems, sudden anger, and memory issues —through the use of vignettes and descriptions of actual couples and their ADHD struggles and solutions. This resource encourages both spouses to become active partners in improving their relationship and healing the fissures that ADHD can cause. Also included are worksheets and various methods for difficult conversations so that couples can find a technique that fits their unique relationship and improve their communication skills.

13 reviews for The ADHD Effect on Marriage: Understand and Rebuild Your Relationship in Six Steps

  1. Megan Smith
    February 19, 2025
    Well worth the purchase. You won't be disappointed.
    I have listened to this book on audible but wanted to have the paperback version to go through and highlight points for reference. The is seperated in...More
    I have listened to this book on audible but wanted to have the paperback version to go through and highlight points for reference. The is seperated in short chapters that each have a point to the chapter. There are lots of examples referring to couples who have struggled with different things and how they worked through them. It gives really great ideas for both sides of the marriage to work together instead in the Parent/child relationship. It also gives free access to the website that has lots of resources to use to help you both navigate making your marriage stronger.
    Helpful? 0 0
    Matt
    January 25, 2025
    Good for Non-ADHD Partner
    A must read. Very helpful for one who is married or in a relationship with someone with a diagnosis of ADHD. As the non-ADHD partner, this book gives ...More
    A must read. Very helpful for one who is married or in a relationship with someone with a diagnosis of ADHD. As the non-ADHD partner, this book gives real life examples and things to look for. It completely reframes behaviors, responses, and relationships within the ADHD context. Not only does it explain the thought processes and habits of the person with ADHD, it gives the non-ADHD partner coping and response strategies. They have been helpful. Thank you!
    Helpful? 0 0
    SDWingate
    December 30, 2024
    Worth it!
    This was an eye opening book for my husband and I. I highly recommend it.
    Helpful? 0 0
    BN
    November 11, 2024
    Great resource
    This is a great book for couples to understand the way their partners mind who have ADHD. I highly recommend
    Helpful? 0 0
    Amazon Customer
    October 2, 2024
    Someone knows how the NON-ADHD spouse is affected!
    Finally someone knows how the NON ADHD spouse feels and is affected by their ADHD husband! Easy read packed full of information. Highly recommend!!! ...More
    Finally someone knows how the NON ADHD spouse feels and is affected by their ADHD husband! Easy read packed full of information. Highly recommend!!! A must read for both the non ADHD person and the spouse with ADHD!
    Helpful? 0 0
    A.R.
    July 13, 2024
    Best book I ever read on dealing with ADHD and my non ADHD s;pouse.
    THis book should be used as a college text book for those in the pyschology bisinerss and to all sufferring from thne symptons of ADHD. I am a 76 yea...More
    THis book should be used as a college text book for those in the pyschology bisinerss and to all sufferring from thne symptons of ADHD. I am a 76 year old man with ADHD for his entire life
    Helpful? 0 0
    Bone_Dice_in_Aspic
    May 25, 2024
    A vital classic for a $4ltty situation
    I feel sorry for you if you need this book and get it, but much more sorry for you if you need it and don't.There really isn't a better option on the ...More
    I feel sorry for you if you need this book and get it, but much more sorry for you if you need it and don't.

    There really isn't a better option on the topic for dealing with the painful problem of navigating the effects of ADHD on a relationship.
    Helpful? 0 0
    Simone
    May 16, 2024
    Anyone who has a spouse with ADHD needs to read this book.
    My spouse has ADHD, and although I have learnt a lot about ADHD individually, I didn't really know how it would affect my partnership with my spouse. ...More
    My spouse has ADHD, and although I have learnt a lot about ADHD individually, I didn't really know how it would affect my partnership with my spouse. I often found myself having difficulty in fully understanding why he was doing things the way he was. After reading this book, it really helped me see things from his perspective and the potential things that he was going through, it allowed for open dialogue and educated me on practices that I could implement in assisting him with coping strategies. It definitely has done a great deal for our marriage.
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    Hilary
    February 26, 2024
    Bridged a massive gap in my relationship
    I have ADHD, my husband doesn't. This book was recommended to us by our marriage counselor and it has done wonders for helping both me and my husband ...More
    I have ADHD, my husband doesn't. This book was recommended to us by our marriage counselor and it has done wonders for helping both me and my husband understand the effect my ADHD has on our relationship. Our communication and empathy for each other has improved so much since we both read this book, and I highly recommend it for any couple--married or not--looking to understand how ADHD materially affects your relationship and how you can navigate it together.
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    Noah Pestana
    February 8, 2024
    Easy read good information
    This book printed a lot of good insight into both my behaviors as a non ADHD spouse and my partners and have a lot of valuable actionable things for u...More
    This book printed a lot of good insight into both my behaviors as a non ADHD spouse and my partners and have a lot of valuable actionable things for us to try. So far even though it is early it has helped our communication, romance and logicis definitely worth a read
    Helpful? 0 0
    Jess
    February 4, 2024
    A Life-Changing Book
    This book should be required reading for any couple in which one or both spouses has — or suspects they might have — ADHD.If I had read it just one ye...More
    This book should be required reading for any couple in which one or both spouses has — or suspects they might have — ADHD.

    If I had read it just one year earlier than I did, it probably would have helped prevent divorce.

    I have ADHD and was the poster child for Adderall. I thought it fully normalized me. With its help, I was able to get two masters and a doctorate degree in physics. Sure, I struggled with organization, but I thought it was manageable. I was well-liked by most people…except, so it felt, my wife.

    My wife saw my messes at home, heard my promises to do better, and was sick and tired of having to remind me to do chores around the house. She was annoyed that I was well-liked and felt like I was a hypocrite—only she knew the “real me”. She nagged me mercilessly , even when I begged her to give me space. She hated that I withdrew to play games, read or just rest, rather than doing the things she demanded me to do. She felt lonely, deeply angry, and very much unloved. Nothing I said would make her believe I loved her. She lost trust in me. She felt perpetually exhausted, thinking she had to take care of not just herself, but me also—as if she was my mother and I was her child. She eventually left me.

    Our story is not unique. Couples impacted by ADHD are twice as likely to divorce. This book describes the almost inevitable problems that couples impacted by ADHD face and the symptoms of ADHD, misunderstandings and responses to those symptoms that can make those problems so difficult to understand and break.

    This book offers a level-headed, sobering and extremely relatable depiction of ADHD and the surprising ways it affects marriages.

    Orlov expertly argues that neither spouse is necessarily more to blame: both play a role and both have work to do to repair the relationship.

    I have bought almost a dozen copies to give to friends.

    I cannot recommend it enough!
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    William Karr
    August 9, 2023
    If you have ADHD this is a MUST HAVE for your Relationship
    I thought I was handling my ADHD well, but this book truly opened my eyes. I don’t know if I’m too late to save my marriage, but I am going to try. Go...More
    I thought I was handling my ADHD well, but this book truly opened my eyes. I don’t know if I’m too late to save my marriage, but I am going to try. Going forward, I will use the lessons I learned in this book in all future relationships. Marriage or otherwise.
    Helpful? 0 0
    Nina Impala
    March 9, 2023
    Marriage Saver
    If you are married/partnered to an ADHD person this book was paramount to me helping myself and the husband. By reading the book I Iearned how to spe...More
    If you are married/partnered to an ADHD person this book was paramount to me helping myself and the husband. By reading the book I Iearned how to speak with him, how not to react negatively to his behaviours and recognising much deeper what was going on with him. We are a newly married (3 years) couple who met in their 60's. From passed marriages he was shamed and ignored because no one took the time to help him slow his brain down and help him to recognise it was not him but the ADHD talking. I remember one time we were standing in our kitchen having a serious conversation and while we were talking he started rearranging all my spices. I smiled, and gently said that is a classic example of ADHD. I actually felt it made him feel better! I will say a counsellor help me to recognise it, and being a counsellor (grief) myself I started to research books on the subject. I recommend this book highly to any one in a relationship with and ADHD person, it could even help if you have family members suffering from it.
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